英文笑话（笑破肚皮！！！）

     m a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile."" The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said ""Genie, tell me more about this wall,"" the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out."" President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!~
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA ！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：“oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！ 当第三辆经过时,他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How ~
无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。”于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。他对他友好的忠告者说：“正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。”“那后来呢？”朋友问。“没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她！” ~
The Doctor Knows Better~
No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice．“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her．So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser：“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her”“So，”asked the friend，“what happened？”“Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！”~
~A Girl Just Like Mother~
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:""我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个.""加拿大人说:""我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃.""精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:""精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情.""精灵回答:""墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去.""布什总统说:""哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!""~
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, ""I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together."" The Canadian said, ""I a~
                Much？”出租车司机说：“one thousand！”日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” ~
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:""我想他伤得很厉害.""医生说:""我怕他已经死了.""听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:""我没死,我还活着.""妻子说:""安静,医生比你懂得多."" ~
怎样在火炉旁找个座位~
 An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture, wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruit appeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises, said: ""If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does not frighten the bi~
 一位艺术家画了张画:一个孩子提着一篮水果.他的朋友很欣赏这幅画,他很想告诉别人这画的美妙之处,就对几个正在细看画的人说,画中的水果画得多么逼真,连鸟都会来啄的. 一个村夫听了这些赞美的话就说:""如果水果画得真像你说的那样好,那么小孩就画得不怎么样了,因为他没有吓住那些鸟.""~
热和冷~
在一个严寒的冬日,一位绅士来到了一家小客栈,发现火炉旁没有空位了.于是,他让旅店里的马倌去取些牡蛎来喂他的马。马倌说:""您的马吃牡蛎吗?""""你试着喂吧.""绅士答道。倾刻间,人们都跑去看这一奇观,而绅士却独自呆在屋里,他在炉旁找了个最好的座位,怡然自得起来。~
A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room ne~
 医生懂得多~
How to Get a Seat by the Fire~
 A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: ""I think that he is very ill."" ""I am afraid that he is dead.""said the doctor,　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: ""I'm not dead. I'm still alive."" ""Be quiet, ""said the wife. ""the doctor knows better than you!""~
The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad~
A class of Physics at school. The teacher: ""Now, who can tell me anything about heat?"" A small boy held up his hand: ""Heat makes things larger, Sir, and cold makes things smaller."" “All right! ”Give an example."" ""In summer days are longer because it is hot, in winter they are shorter because it is cold.""~
毁誉掺半的画~
Heat and Cold ~
学校里正在上物理课.老师提问:""现在谁能讲一讲对热的认识?""一个小男孩举手回答:""老师,热能使东西膨胀,冷能使东西缩小.""老师说:""很好,举一个例子.""""夏季,白天变长,因为天气太热；冬季白天缩短,因为天气太冷.""</P~
                rds.""~
                ar the fire.He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse.""Will your horse eat oysters?""said the hostler.""Try him,""said the gentleman.Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable